Aladdin's Cave "Drinking Hazard" awareness whilst Sixways Stadium Funnies Index
Hazrds you may encounter whilst celebrating a great victory and how to safely correct it
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HAZARD CAUSE CORRECTIVE ACTION
Feet cold and wet  Glass Being held at incorrect angle.  Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling 
Feet warm and wet  Improper Bladder Control  Stand next to nearest dog, complain about lack of house training 
Beer unusually pale and tasteless  a. Glass empty. b You're holding a Kaliber Get someone to buy you another beer 
Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights  You have fallen over backward.  Have yourself strapped to bar 
Mouth contains cigarette butts, back of head covered with ashes  You have fallen forward  See above 
Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet  a. Mouth not open b. Glass applied to wrong part of face  Retire to toilets, practice in mirror 
Floor Blurred  You are looking through bottom of empty glass  Get someone to buy you another beer 
Floor moving  You are being carried out  Find out if you are being taken to another bar 
Room seems unusually dark  Bar has closed  Confirm home address with barstaff.  If staff is gone, grab some Bacardi Breezers and hit the nearest fire escape door.  Run 
Taxi suddenly takes on colorful aspect and textures  Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations  Cover mouth, open window, stick head outside 
Everyone looks up to you and smiles  You are dancing on the table  Fall on someone cuddly-looking 
Beer is crystal-clear  It's water! Somebody is trying to sober you up  Punch him 
People are standing around  talking & putting on makeup  You're in the ladies' toilets  Use toilet - urination only!  Excuse yourself, exit and try the next door down the hall. Try to get phone numbers (optional) 
Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear  You have been in a fight  Apologize to everyone you see, just in case it was them 
Don't recognize anyone, don't recognize the room you're in  You've wandered into the wrong party  See if they have free beer 
Your bedroom is painted grey, has a concrete floor and an interesting steel door.  Toilet may be conveniently located next to your bunk  a.  You're in jail.  Sleep it off, you can always get out tomorrow.  Don't talk to your new roommate, and under no circumstances sleep on your stomach 
You are dancing to a Village People song, and your partner is wearing leather chaps  You're in a gay bar  Keeping your back to the wall, edge toward nearest exit.  
Your singing sounds distorted  The beer is too weak  Have more beer until your voice improves 
Don't remember the words to the song  Beer is just right  Play air guitar